When routines stop working for ADHD in midlife
At some point, many adults with ADHD notice a shift. The routines they relied on for years start to feel frangible. One missed step or minor disruption throws everything off. The structure you once relied on no longer holds up. It all crashes down, like a Jenga tower.
For high-functioning adults, especially in midlife, this moment can feel alarming and lead to self-blame: Why can't I manage this anymore?
Remember, this isn't a personal failure. It's a sign that your brain needs a different kind of support. It’s a common experience, and you're not alone in feeling this way.
Why ADHD routines break down over time
Most routine advice assumes:
stable energy
consistent motivation
predictable life circumstances
ADHD brains rarely have all three.
In midlife, additional factors often enter the picture:
hormonal shifts
cumulative burnout
increased responsibilities
changes in health, sleep, or stress tolerance
The strategies that once worked no longer work.
Trying to rebuild everything at once usually adds pressure, not stability. When it becomes a competition with ourselves, the need to win can create excessive pressure.
“When the system becomes the job, it stops being supportive. When it becomes a competition with ourselves, the need to win can create excessive pressure.”
We may think we need that pressure to motivate us, and perhaps it works for years, but it’s not sustainable.
The pressure to reset makes things worse
January, career transitions, or life changes often trigger a familiar response: I need a fresh start.
New routines. New planners. New rules. For many ADHD brains, this approach backfires. Pressure mounts. Resistance follows. When the system collapses, shame takes over.
What helps instead is stability without rigidity.
Anchors: a more straightforward way to create stability
Rather than building entire routines, I often encourage people to work with anchors.
Here are some dictionary definitions of "anchor":
2 : a reliable or principal support
(Example: a quarterback)
-Merriam-Webster
"a person or thing that provides stability or confidence in an otherwise uncertain situation"
-The Google Chrome dictionary extension
"a person or thing that can be relied on for support, stability, or security; mainstay."
-dictionary.com
The common themes: Stability and reliablility.
In this context, an anchor is a stable, already-existing moment in your day that doesn’t require motivation. It's usually built around existing habits. It's small and reliable.
An anchored action is the small behaviour you attach to that moment.
An anchor isn’t the thing you do. It’s the moment you build around. The action is small. The timing is what makes it stick and stability comes from predictable timing. The anchor marks transitions and reduce decision fatigue.
Anchor examples:
making coffee
opening or closing a laptop
going to bed
In other words, things you already do.
“[Anchors] work because they’re simple, just like my PRIMED Framework for ADHD management.”
For professional women in demanding or leadership roles, anchors work best when they attach to transitions that already happen at work: opening your laptop before a meeting, closing it at the end of the day, walking into (or out of) your office, or glancing at your calendar before you check email. You’re not adding extra steps—you’re giving structure to moments that already exist.
Why fewer anchors work better
Adding too many anchors turns support into obligation. Starting with one in the morning and one in the evening is often enough. Beginning with just two can help you feel successful and more likely to stick with your habits, even if you choose to add more later.
These create bookends that stabilize the day.
Morning anchors
Morning anchors set the tone, not the pace.
Examples:
coffee and two minutes of stillness
writing one sentence before an email
stepping outside briefly
If your mornings are unpredictable because of kids, caregiving, or early meetings, make your anchors flexible. Instead of a specific time, tie them to what reliably happens most days: after the first coffee, after school drop-off, or after you arrive at your desk. The goal is recognition, not optimization.
Evening anchors
Evening anchors signal closure.
Examples:
putting away your laptop
dimming the lights
stretching or breathing for one minute
These help the nervous system transition. For leaders and professionals who tend to let work spill into the night, an evening anchor can be as simple as shutting your laptop, writing tomorrow’s top task on a sticky note, and then changing locations (from desk to couch or bedroom) to mark the end of the workday.
“Transitions matter more than productivity tricks.”
Anchors in high-stress seasons and travel
High-stress periods, busy seasons at work, or frequent travel are often when routines fall apart completely. This is exactly when anchors can quietly hold things together.
During these times, think in terms of “minimum viable anchor”: one deep breath before you open your calendar, a two-minute stretch after you shut your laptop, or a quick note capturing tomorrow’s top task before bed. On travel days, your anchor might be the moment you sit down on the plane, arrive at your hotel, or plug in your laptop in a new workspace.
The goal is continuity, not intensity—keeping a very small thread of familiarity running through otherwise chaotic days.
Why a 30-day container helps ADHD brains
All-or-nothing thinking is common with ADHD. A 30-day container reframes success. Missed days don't mean failure; adjustments are to be expected. Continuity matters more than perfection.
This reduces emotional fallout and supports follow-through.
What success looks like
Success is not:
perfect adherence
daily motivation
complex systems
Success is:
returning after disruption
feeling slightly more grounded
reducing friction in daily life
Over time, you can use simple signals to tell whether anchors are helping you feel more stable. Signs of progress might include:
slightly less dread before starting your day
quicker recovery after disruptions
fewer evenings that disappear into scrolling or work spillover
a growing sense that your days have a bit more shape and predictability
You don’t need to track this perfectly. A brief weekly check-in—Do my days feel a little more grounded than they did a month ago?—is often enough to notice the shift.
Stability comes from repetition without punishment.
Final thoughts
If routines feel harder than they used to, that's normal. Your brain is responding to change, and your life is more complex than it once was.
Anchors offer a way to create steadiness without forcing yourself into rigid systems that don’t fit your current season—especially if you’re leading, caregiving, or navigating big responsibilities at work and at home.
One anchor at a time is enough.
“Stability comes from giving your brain something consistent to return to.”
I explore this approach in depth in Episode 2 of my podcast, PRIMED for ADHD.
