Underchallenged and unravelling: the hidden burnout of being underused
There’s a specific kind of burnout I believe we don’t discuss enough, especially for people with ADHD. It’s not the burnout caused by too much hustle or long hours. It’s the slow, corrosive type that sneaks in when we’re doing too little, when we’re underutilized. Unchallenged. When our contributions don’t seem to matter, or don’t feel like they do. I know this form of burnout intimately.
I don’t like to call it “burnout” because the word is associated with doing too much.
It's not too much that's the problem, it's too little
At times, I’ve found myself spiralling. Not because I had too much on my plate, but because I had too little. Too little purpose. Too few moments of feeling needed. Not enough responsibility to match my capacity for complex thought and creative problem-solving.
When I don’t have meaningful things to do—or when my contributions are overlooked—I start to feel disconnected not just from the work, but from myself.
[Also see The Burnout No One Talks About: When You Don’t Feel Like You Matter. I forgot that I published that when I wrote this one.]
I need to feel useful to feel okay
I need to be useful. I need to help. My role in life is that of a helper.
I’ve known that for a long time. I recall feeling hurt years ago when my partner refused my help. It felt personal. I know that he also felt offended when I refused his.
Just over a year ago, I heard those exact words in a plant medicine ceremony. Later, I read something similar in my Human Design profile. Apparently, I’m a “healer” or a “shaman.”
Whether you believe in any of that or not, the message was clear: being useful isn’t just a preference for me, it’s tied to my identity. Reading these words is making me cry, just like ChatGPT’s first draft after I gave it a long prompt. It was very much a collaboration.
When I’m underused, I don’t relax, I unravel
I feel sad. I get bored. I become existential.
It’s not just a minor slump, it's a crash.
I become forgetful, sloppy, numb.
I scroll more, procrastinate, and stop contributing. I stop caring or I care less — not because I’m lazy or unmotivated, but because I don’t feel needed.
When I don’t feel needed, I start questioning the point of everything.
Once again, my heart breaks as I read and write these words. They’re about me. (I wrote a similar post on LinkedIn, but I didn’t want to be as vulnerable there, so I changed the story slightly and made it about “a friend.” It’s cliché, I know.)
This isn't about ego, it’s about energy
ADHD brains crave stimulation, but not necessarily more tasks. What we really want is purposeful activation. — to feel engaged and responsible for something meaningful. When we don’t experience this, our brains flatline.
Explaining this kind of burnout to those who’ve only known the “too much” kind can be difficult because, from the outside, boredom might seem like a luxury. But for someone like me, boredom is dangerous. It’s not just my helper identity; it’s the dopamine need for my ADHD brain.
Even taking a vacation doesn’t feel safe
I feel anxious before I leave. Not because I’m a workaholic, but because I’m scared that when I step away, the few things I have ownership over will either be done poorly or not at all.
And if they are done well without me? That’s its own kind of panic.
If no one notices I’m gone, maybe I wasn’t needed in the first place. Maybe I’m just overhead. A line item. Expendable. There’s a part of me that worries I’ll be fired when I return. I’ve had recurring nightmares about it. A recent one inspired this post.
This is my anxiety talking. I know it’s untrue.
(More tears.)
The guilt, the fear, the perfectionism—they’re all connected
I know some of this is impostor syndrome. I know some of it is perfectionism.
But there’s also something deeper here: a subtle, invisible thread of “usefulness as identity.” A belief that if I’m not needed, I don’t matter. That if I’m not contributing, I’m wasting time.
Oof.
I’ve been circling around this for years
Six years ago, I wrote a piece called “Is an Emotion an Attainable Goal?” I was exploring this same tension—what happens when you want to feel a certain way (useful, fulfilled, meaningful), but the environment you're in doesn’t give you that opportunity?
Looking back, I can see how often I’ve placed myself in environments where I had to fight for usefulness. Where I constantly questioned whether I was adding value, or whether I was just… there.
It’s also in my nature to both want to stay under the radar and be publicly recognized for my contributions.
The truth about ADHD and burnout
The truth is, people with ADHD aren’t always burnt out because we’re overworked. Sometimes, we’re burnt out because we’re underused, underchallenged, or unseen. And when that happens, we don’t rest; we self-destruct.
Circling back to the name for it, maybe it’s not “burnout”, but “drownout”. Like I said, it’s corrosive.
A possible solution
You can’t have all of your needs met from the same place or person. We need to recognize this. Polyamory recognizes it.
I unapologetically and honestly have a day job and a coaching business because I want to do both. Each fulfills me in different ways. I will not give up my day job for my coaching business. I will give up my coaching business if the other option is unemployment. I have signed a declaration that my coaching business will not affect my day job, and I take that promise seriously.
It’s okay to have your needs met from different sources as long as you’re honest about it and everyone involved is comfortable with the situation. You need boundaries and respect.
This goes for romantic relationships and employment.
So, if you’re feeling unfulfilled, unchallenged, or underused, know that you're not broken.
You don’t need more discipline or gratitude; you need more purpose.
You need to be needed.
There’s nothing wrong with craving usefulness, especially if you’re careful about where you invest that energy. The key is to find roles, relationships, and environments that nourish you.
Because if you’re anything like me, you don’t need more tasks.
You need to matter.
