The Burnout No One Talks About: When You Don’t Feel Like You Matter
You’re doing everything right. So why do you still feel invisible?
You’re high-functioning. You’re organized (or trying to be). You’re the person others rely on when things fall through. You’ve created a life rich with responsibilities, achievements, and perhaps even accolades.
And yet… it still feels like something’s missing.
If you're feeling emotionally exhausted, quietly resentful, or running on autopilot, there's a reason, and it may not be what you think.
Burnout doesn’t always happen when you’re overcommitted or stretched too thin. Sometimes, it comes from not feeling that what you do is seen or valued.
From the outside, everything looks fine. Inside, there’s a slow depletion.
One question lingers beneath it all:
Does any of this matter?
I know, it sounds defeatist. And that’s the point.
And it can happen at work or at home.
“Do my kids even care??”
The Difference Between Belonging and Mattering
A recent Harvard Business Review article by Zach Mercurio gave language to something many of us have felt but didn’t know how to name.
“Belonging is about inclusion.
Mattering is about significance.”
You can be part of a team and still feel invisible. You can belong to a community and still feel like your contributions don’t make a difference.
According to Mercurio, the data backs this up:
30% of people feel invisible at work
65% feel underappreciated
82% report feeling lonely
That’s not just discouraging; it’s draining. For women who already feel like they’re constantly adapting to keep up, this under-recognition becomes its own quiet crisis.
High-Functioning Exhaustion Is Real
If you have ADHD - or even if you don’t but relate to masking, people-pleasing, or over-adapting, this may sound familiar:
You’re responsible. You follow through. You anticipate needs before others even name them.
You’ve spent years managing emotions, toning yourself down, and shaping your behaviour to fit systems that weren’t built with you in mind.
The longer you perform usefulness, the harder it becomes to locate yourself underneath it.
When recognition or acknowledgement don’t come, the default response is often self-blame.
The Masking Trap
Masking and over-functioning create a quiet but exhausting contradiction:
→ You want to be seen, but you also don’t.
→ You want to be recognized, but fear scrutiny.
→ Your inner critic tells you you’re falling short, and you fear others will agree.
If you’ve experienced Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), impostor syndrome, or both, you know how intense those internal reactions can be. They’re exhausting.
I’ve been there. I know others who’ve been there.
The emotional labour of carrying all that while appearing competent is a burnout risk that often goes unnoticed until it’s too late.
A Personal Example
I once had a manager who told me he shouldn’t have to praise me for doing my job. This was in response to my observation that while he was quick to criticize, he never acknowledged what I did well. The irony? His feedback was often wrong. I was smarter than he was, but I was also a woman. 🤷🏼
I burned out quickly in that environment. Who wouldn’t with a misogynist bully managing the role? How was I supposed to feel that I mattered or belonged? That trauma clung to me for years. Mattering isn’t about ego. It’s about energy. And energy doesn’t renew itself in a vacuum.
What the Article Gets Right, and How You Can Take It Further
The HBR article focuses on what leaders can do to help employees feel they matter. But what if you’re not getting that from your manager?
Here’s where you can start taking back some of that power.
Questions Mercurio suggests leaders ask (adapted for self-reflection):
What has my attention today?
What was the most important insight I took from today’s work?
Which parts of my tasks felt challenging, and why?
These are questions you can ask yourself in a notebook, journal, or voice note.
They’re grounding, bringing you back to your experience.
And as Mercurio writes:
“Note what you learn from these exchanges so that you can follow up.”
The same applies here. Follow up with yourself—weekly, biweekly, or monthly. Whatever works.
Where the “Done” List Comes In
This is also a good moment to reintroduce a tool that’s both practical and quietly powerful:
The “Done” List.
I’ve kept one for years. In my current day job, I use a “done” folder for completed emails, so every request I’ve handled is easy to find.
At home, I used to track tasks more manually. That list is overdue for a refresh.
Why it matters:
It helps you see your contributions clearly.
It builds confidence and supports job satisfaction.
It’s something concrete you can reference during performance reviews.
Especially when you struggle with memory, emotional overwhelm, or inconsistent attention, a done list offers a grounded reminder that you are making an impact, even if no one else is saying it out loud.
Know Your Value
You don’t need a new system to squeeze more out of your day.
You need to know that your time, presence, and perspective hold value.
Not just to others, but to you.
That’s what mattering is.
It’s more than a feel-good concept. It’s a core emotional need. According to Mercurio, it’s a powerful buffer against burnout, disengagement, and isolation.
For many people, simply recognizing that they don’t feel like they matter is the first honest moment they’ve had in a long time.
It can be a turning point.
A Few Questions to Leave You With
Where do I feel seen?
Where am I useful but not valued?
Where do I keep showing up, hoping something will change?
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight.
But starting with questions like these can create the space for different answers to emerge.
You Don’t Need to Prove Anything
You’re not here to chase recognition.
You’re here to contribute in ways that feel grounded and meaningful.
If you’ve felt like no one notices how much you carry—or how hard you try—this is your permission slip:
You already matter.
It’s time the rest of your life reflected that.
Ready to Feel Seen Again?
I help women with fast minds and big hearts stop chasing external validation and start building lives that feel grounded, intentional, and true.
If you’re tired of holding it all together, I invite you to take one small step:
👉 Book a free clarity call.
Let’s talk about what’s draining you—and what’s ready to shift.
📄 New Resource
If this post resonated, I’ve created a downloadable worksheet to help you reflect on where you’re feeling unseen—and how to reclaim your sense of value.
👉 Download the Do I Matter? Reflection & Reset Tool — $9
It includes space to track what’s draining your energy, document your “done” list, and make a plan to feel more recognized in your daily life.
You’ll also get journaling prompts adapted from the Harvard Business Review article that inspired this post.
Small step. Big shift.
